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Balls are a Girl’s Best Friend: A lesson fr |
| Samurai Love God has been a very naughty boy lately.He's been so unruly that I have not choice but to punish him severely.As part of his punishment, I'm restricting his access to the Internet this weekend.I'm also restricting his limbs and his ability to talk, chew and breathe.(Don't worry, I'll leave just enough slack so he doesn't choke on the ball-and-gag)In his absence, I'll be taking over this sorry excuse for a Blog.For those of you that don't know me, my name is P-Whip.That's right P-Whip.If you ever forget my name, I'll have no choice but to wrap my legs around your head and face fuck the life out of you.So get it right!Today I'd like to talk about balls.Balls are a girl's best friend.Balls are even better than women's intuition.For instance, if you suspect your boyfriend or husband is cheating on you don't hire a Private Investigator.Simply kick him in the balls.If he's innocent, he'll act totally shocked as he's withering around on the floor in excruciating pain.If he's guilty, he'll probably say something like, "Shit, how'd you find out?"At that point, kick him in the balls again and say, "That's how!"Another thing that I like about balls is that they can help your man remember important dates like anniversaries and birthdays.What I like to do is ask, "Do you know what tomorrow is?"I generally give him 7 seconds to answer correctly. |
| I generally give him 7 seconds to answer correctly.If he doesn't, I slap him in the balls.When he regains consciousness, I give him another chance.This time, if he doesn't know the answer, I give him the choice between another slap in the balls or an enema with the heel of my 10-inch stilettos.Balls are also very useful when you're trying to train him, especially if you're employing a reward/punishment system.It can be very difficult to break men of their bad habits.That's why when a man puts his mug down on my coffee table without using a coaster I squeeze his balls and scold, "COASTER!"When he starts to catch on that he should use a coaster, I reward him by letting him off the leash and tickling his balls ever so gently.You can also train him to put the toilet seat down by using this technique.It also comes in handy if he has a wandering eye or a problem with female authority figures.Balls are also useful when you're trying to teach your man how to dress properly, especially when you're going out to dinner with your friends.All too often, an argument will ensue if you give him a look of disgust and incredulously say, "Is that what you're going to wear?"Why even leave the question of his appearance up for debate?Just smile, give him a swift kick to the balls and remind him that a jacket and tie are always required.Balls can also help him remember that you don't like Mayo.Take Samurai Love God for instance.I let him out of his cage to go make me lunch and he came back with a Pastrami sandwich.That's all fine and dandy but the little fucker put Mayo on it.Hopefully, after he stops crying like a little bitch, he'll remember that I like Mustard on my Pastrami.And where's the fucking pickle you little shit? |
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