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MY LIFE AS A REAL GANGSTA GIRL |
| Gang banging.?I am convinced that unless you actually have been in a real life "HOOD", you have no understanding of gangsta rap and what they're singing about.?I was in the HOOD!!?It's not a fun life!!?I was friends with murderers, I almost got gang raped by rival gang members (crips) in Brooklyn (the Lord protected me), I was harrased by cops because I was white hanging with black dudes, and was looked at funny by black women because I was white hanging with black dudes.I was part of murder plots (thank God they never went thru), got into fights, smuggled drugs to the high profile gang members in upstate NY prisons, was part of armed robberies, and was the 2nd Lieutenant in a high profile gang that was part of the Blood Stone Nation (this is different than the blood sets under United Blood Nation).This life, the one that's glamorized in all the rap videos and on TV, is not fun!?Kids are so ignorant to what this lifestyle is all about.?At anytime you can be kidnapped (especially as a female), raped, robbed, or even killed.?You're on edge all the time.? |
| You're on edge all the time.?You better know what to spit when you're being g-checked, and you better not slip up.Kids today are being fed this lie that being a gangsta in the hood is cool.?But it's not.?It's dangerous and not worth risking your life for.?Most kids involved in this lifestyle are looking for the love and family that they don't have at home.?Most of these kids are without a Dad, and Mom is working so they are alone.?Fight to survive is the street game -- only it's real life.?The "family" of being in a gang is real, but only on the surface.?Ya see, your homies love you as long as you go along with the program.? |
| Ya see, your homies love you as long as you go along with the program.?So the love is conditional.?But the bible says that Jesus is love.?So unless you know Jesus, you really don't know or understand real love, only the world's version of love (which is messed up!).With some other kids (like me), I was so filled with hate that joining the gang was a great outlet for my anger.?I didn't care if I died, I didn't care about anything.?It's like I was numb.?I couldn't feel anything, because if I did I might have to cry or feel emotions.?I had enough of hurt and pain in my life, and numbness was a defense mechanism?I guess.?All that anger and hate I could take out on rival gang members.? |
| All that anger and hate I could take out on rival gang members.?And ya know what's scary??With hate being my primary driving force, I excelled within the ranks and became 2nd LT.?What does that mean??Out of the entire set I belonged to, I only had 4 people above me in rank.?I also was privileged because the Godfather of my set (he was the leader) claimed me to be his "wifey."?So no one messed with me for that reason to.But after a while that got old too.?None of it gave me the wholeness I was looking for.?It didn't fill the gap in my heart.? |
| It didn't fill the gap in my heart.?I still felt like I was searching for something.I felt driven to find God.?I remember doing rosary beads every night, trying to 'connect' with God somehow.?People -- remember this:?NO WHERE IN THE BIBLE DOES IT SAY TO DO ROSARY BEADS!!?As a matter of fact, doing the rosary involves alot of repetition, and the bible says:
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Matthew 6:7
And when you pray, do not use vain repetitions as the heathen do.You see, the heathen of that time prayed that way, and God says NOT TO!?But I had never read the bible so I didn't know that.?But when I finally started to read the bible, it was like a cloud lifted!? |
| But when I finally started to read the bible, it was like a cloud lifted!?I finally understood (or at least was beginning to understand) God and Jesus.?I felt such a freedom and hope in life I had never felt before.Thank you Jesus for taking me out of the street gangs and into the family of the Lord God! |
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